Have you ever wanted to become better at holding conversations? If so, you may want to consider working with a conversation coach!
What Is a Conversation Coach?
A conversation coach is a professional who helps individuals improve their ability to communicate effectively in personal and professional settings. These coaches work with clients of all ages and backgrounds and can help with a wide range of issues including shyness, social anxiety, difficulty making small talk, and poor public speaking skills.
Conversation coaching typically involves working one-on-one with a coach or in small groups and may involve role-playing, feedback, and practice in real-world situations. The goal of conversation coaching is to help clients build confidence, overcome communication barriers, and develop more effective and authentic communication skills.
Benefits of Conversation Coaching
There are many benefits to working with a conversation coach. For one, a coach can provide personalized attention and guidance that’s tailored to an individual’s specific needs and goals. A coach can also help clients identify and overcome negative thought patterns and behaviors that may be holding them back in communication situations.
In addition to improving communication skills, working with a coach can also have positive impacts on mental health and overall well-being. Effective communication is an essential part of healthy relationships and can lead to greater success and fulfillment in both personal and professional contexts.
What to Look for in a Conversation Coach
If you’re interested in working with a conversation coach, it’s important to be mindful of a few factors. First, be sure to find a coach who has a long history of success with clients. In addition to this, you should also be on the lookout for coaches that have the right systems in place. For example, one of the most powerful systems in the market today is pairing personalized coaching with Yoodli. Yoodli’s AI speech coach provides you with immediate feedback on valuable data points such as your filler words, pacing, and word choice—privately and in real time. Then, when you meet with your coach, you can go through the data together to learn what went well and what didn’t.
Wrapping Up
A conversation coach can be a valuable resource for anyone looking to improve their communication skills and build more meaningful and effective relationships with others. With the right coach and a commitment to practice and improvement, you can develop the communication skills you need to succeed in any situation.
Avoiding awkward eye contact when you talk to people isn’t always easy. But the triangle method can help.
Eye contact is critical when you’re giving a speech, in a job interview, on a first date, or testifying before a grand jury. In other words, all the time.
But, awkward eye contact is a thing, right? You might feel like you’re staring with an intensity that belongs in a police interrogation. Perhaps you’re afraid your gaze will come across as all starry-eyed romantic when you’re just trying to update your boss with the latest progress report.
A fixed stare isn’t the answer. Neither is looking away. Learn what the triangle method is, how it works, and why you should use it.
What Is the Triangle Method?
Essentially, the triangle method is a way to make “normal” eye contact with someone without intense or creepy staring. It’s an excellent way to avoid awkward eye contact while still making a positive connection and expressing respect and confidence.
How to Use the Triangle Method
Imagine a triangle. Now imagine it on someone’s face. The base of the triangle spans from their right eye to their left eye. The triangle’s point is between their brows or mid-forehead. (Yes, this is how Pythagoras saw people, obvs.)
Now, focus on one of their eyes. Then, follow the triangle’s base across to focus on their other eye. Next, follow the triangle upward to focus on the area of their brows or mid-forehead. Hold your focus for a few seconds in each spot. Body language expert Sharon Sayler refers to the duration as a “long glance.”Repeat the process throughout the conversation.
If you need a visualization:
This is called the professional triangle method. There’s another variation — called the personal triangle method — that’s best for flirting.
The personal triangle method
To practice the personal triangle method, flip the triangle over. Imagine an upside-down triangle. Now imagine it on someone’s face. The base of the triangle spans from their right eye to their left eye. The triangle’s point is on their mouth. (Yes, this is how Euclid saw people, obvs.)
Now, focus on one of their eyes. Then, follow the triangle’s base across to focus on their other eye. Next, follow the triangle downward and focus on their lips. Hold your focus for a few seconds in each spot (a “long glance”). Repeat the process throughout the conversation.
Just like the professional triangle method, this will become automatic with practice. Similarly, it’s fine to get off the triangle loop and look away briefly now and then.
I know what you’re thinking. This is supposed to be about making conversations less awkward. And, this seems awkward. Fear not. With a bit of practice, this method will become second nature, and you’ll do it automatically.
Don’t feel like you need to keep th method going nonstop. It’s natural and good to look away briefly at times. Usually, this coincides with gathering and organizing your thoughts, which is always a good idea.
How to Use AI to Perfect the Triangle Method
The triangle method is easy to use. However, a little practice goes a long way. You can use AI to perfect your use of this method through Yoodli.
Yoodli is an AI-powered conversation coach that allows you to not only see your individual speaking and speech data, but also to improve your conversation skills. It tracks everything from your eye contact to your word choice and filler word usage.
Practicing the triangle method with Yoodli couldn’t be easier.
As a conversation coach, Yoodli gives you personalized (and actionable) feedback on how you can improve. All you have to do is choose a conversation topic — which can be a simple as “small talk” — and an AI-generated speech partner. This can be a coworker, friend, or even a stranger. It’s totally up to you.
Get comfortable using the triangle method by practicing your eye contact with Yoodli.
You can even choose the speech partner’s personality. It’s that easy.
3 Ways to Use the Triangle Method
There’s an endless amount of ways to use this method, both professionally and in your personal life. Here are the top three ways to use the triangle method to your advantage.
1. Using the triangle method at work
You can leverage the triangle method in any workplace, regardless of the industry you work in. From food service to content marketing and healthcare, this technique can be used to benefit your communication.
At work, you can use it too build real connections with your coworkers and to start conversations. It’s especially helpful in meetings. If you happen to work in sales, even better.
Using the triangle method when speaking to potential clients can make them trust you more and show that you’re an active listener. It improves the natural engagement during a conversation and can lead to a successful sale or pitch.
You can also use the triangle method in job interviews. It can give you a little bit of leverage against other applicants. That’s because it shows you have a genuine interest in the conversation with your interviewer (and they’ll remember that).
Similarly, you can use this method for networking, too. It shows your confidence and attentiveness and, again, helps people remember you in a positive light.
2. Flirting with the triangle method
The personal triangle method is considered to be flirtatious. The potentially seductive nature of the personal triangle method is evident in the way it differs from the professional method: the trip that your eyes take to their lips.
The benefits of using this technique are that it’s playful and subtle (perfect for people who might be feeling a bit shy when it comes to their love interest). It also helps you build rapport with the person and shows that you’re genuinely interested in what they have to say.
In fact, the triangle method went viral on TikTok because of its effectiveness when it comes to flirting.
So, if you intend to flirt, this technique is for you. Otherwise, you might want to skip the lips and stick with the professional triangle method. Again, it’s all about avoiding the awkward. Your body language, speech, and general demeanor all together communicate your overall message and intentions.
3. Using this technique for public speaking
Not surprisingly, the triangle method is also useful for public speaking, even if you’re speaking to a large audience. The only difference is, your subject will change every so often.
To use this technique when public speaking, aim to make eye contact with a few people in the audience. When you do this while speaking to a crowd, you can keep them interested and engaged longer. It also adds to your executive presence.
Why Is Using the This Method Important?
You know what it’s like when someone you’re conversing with doesn’t look at you “enough.” It might seem as though they’re not listening or interested. Perhaps you feel like the conversation doesn’t matter much—or that you don’t matter much.
Let’s say that you’re interviewing someone for a job and they don’t make much eye contact. That can make them come across as though they don’t have much self-confidence or that they’re not taking the process seriously.
Regardless of the situation, eye contact is important. So, consider the triangle method to be a must. That’s because avoiding eye contact and awkward eye contact aren’t good options. Good, appropriate eye contact is the goal, and the triangle method can get you there.
Why is eye contact important? When you’re talking to someone, it makes a big difference whether or not you’re actually connecting with them. Eye contact is a major part of that connection. It shows likability and warmth, and communicates respect, interest, and self-confidence.
Practice your eye contact with the triangle method
Whether you’re speaking conversationally one-on-one or addressing a vast audience, eye contact is important for those reasons: connection, likability, trust, interest, and confidence. It’s a good idea to get a gauge on how much you use eye contact. It’s also wise to practice making eye contact and using the triangle method.
The Bottom Line
Eye contact is an important aspect of communication. But, it doesn’t just matter that you use it; it matters how you use it. The triangle method is an excellent way to make eye contact in a less awkward and intense way.
Here’s a quick summary of both triangle methods:
Professional: Focus on eyes and brows or mid-forehead
Personal: Focus on eyes and lips
Practice these techniques until they become second nature. Now you’re equipped to avoid awkward eye contact and connect in a more natural way.
Does this sound familiar? You’re speaking in front of an audience or conversing normally. You want to speak confidently. But, unintentionally, you turn a declarative sentence into what sounds like a question. This is called uptalk, and you might not even know you do it.
Don’t worry. This habit can be addressed with deliberate and careful practice. We’ll help you understand uptalk and walk you through some tips. (And, when you’re ready for detailed, personalized feedback, check out Yoodli. It’s a free AI speech coach that can help you reduce uptalk and other public speaking habits.)
We’ll answer each of these questions:
What is uptalk?
What is an uptalk example?
What is the difference between upspeak and downspeak?
What causes uptalk? How did it start?
Who uses uptalk?
What is uptalk used for?
Why should you generally avoid uptalk?
When should you use uptalk?
How can you stop using uptalk when you should?
What Is Uptalk?
So, what is uptalk? Also known as upspeak or high-rising intonation (HRI), it’s the tendency to end a declarative sentence (or a clause in a sentence) with a rising inflection. You intend to make a statement; but, the rising pitch makes it sound more like a question.
3 Tips to Stop Using Uptalk
Since uptalk can be used strategically, it’s not advisable to stop using it altogether. Rather, be thoughtful about when you use it. Become aware of when you use HRI, and make deliberate choices about using it.
The good news is that you can learn how to control your intonation and avoid upspeak in inappropriate contexts. Just follow these three steps, and you’ll be good to go.
Tip #1: Adopt a growth mindset.
The first thing to do when setting out to change your speech patterns is to believe that it’s possible to do it. The APA defines a growth mindset as an understanding that you can improve through hard work and perseverance, even when it’s hard. This means that, even if you constantly use uptalk (despite your best efforts not to), you’re capable of changing.
When starting your journey, make a realistic and measurable goal. Then, when you achieve it, you’ll be motivated to keep going. Here are a couple of examples:
I will cut my use of uptalk in half by the end of next month.
I will not use uptalk during my next presentation.
Tip #2: Find out when you use uptalk.
Take mental notes of when you use uptalk. Analyze your usage:
Does it happen with certain people, certain types of people, or people in certain positions?
Do I use uptalk when talking in a bigger group?
What kind of situations do I use HRI in?
Do I use it when I’m unsure or nervous?
Do I use upspeak collaboratively to include more people in the conversation?
How do people respond when I use it? Does it have the effect I intend it to have?
Once you’re aware of your habits, you can deliberately choose when and how to use uptalk.
Tip #3: Practice.
Start small. Prepare a presentation. Record yourself with Yoodli’s AI speech coach. You’ll be able to watch yourself back, and you’ll see a transcript of what you said. Yoodli, which is free to start, also gives you feedback on other aspects of your word choices and delivery, such as filler words, weak words, and eye contact.
You can practice avoiding uptalk with Yoodli.
Note where you’ve used uptalk in your practice presentation. Write these sentences down. Next, determine what you intend with each sentence. If you intend to use a softened, inviting tone, keep the upspeak or simply turn the sentence into a deliberate question.
For the sentences that shouldn’t be uptalk or questions, add a downward arrow at the end. This indicates that you should end the sentence with a falling pitch. Practice saying these sentences aloud without uptalk.
Remember: You’re not going to be perfect immediately. What matters is making steps in the direction you want to go.
Learn how to use Yoodli to avoid uptalk and improve your speech:
Avoiding uptalk is a little easier when you have Yoodli to practice with.
Uptalk Examples
Here are a few examples of uptalk to help you understand how it works. Notice that the clauses are declarative; they aren’t in a question structure. The question mark indicates the HRI at the end of the clause or sentence.
“I’m looking forward to hosting the party? And having everyone over? And cooking all the food?”
“I’d like to choose the second one?”
“Sure, I’m happy to go an another date?”
“I’ll be there on Monday?”
You can hear an example of HRI in the following video.
What Is the Difference Between Upspeak & Downspeak?
Downspeak and upspeak are opposites, just as the words imply. Downspeak entails a falling intonation at the end. Upspeak entails a rising intonation at the end. “The difference between them is whether they go down or up at the end.” “I’m sure that makes sense?”
What Causes Uptalk?
Maybe you’ve heard of “valley girl speech.” It’s believed that this might be the origin of upspeak. “Valley girl speech” began around the 1980s and 1990s. It’s a speaking pattern commonly attributed to young, upper middle class women living in Southern California — specifically, in the San Fernando Valley.
Who Uses Uptalk More: Men or Women?
Despite its potential origins, research shows that uptalk is just as common among men. According to linguist Mark Liberman, “George W. Bush used to do it all the time.” (And, George Bush isn’t even from the Valley!)
What Is Uptalk Used For?
Here’s the thing: The use of uptalk usually isn’t deliberate. Most of the time, people don’t realize they’re doing it. So, when people use it, their purposes might be subconscious. They might use it to express uncertainty. Perhaps they use it to come across as less harsh and more inviting.
As you can see, HRI can be used — and can come across — in very different ways. Let’s take a closer look at the intentions (deliberate or subconscious) and the results of uptalk.
Why Should You Generally Avoid Uptalk?
It’s good to understand why upspeak might be used. There’s nothing inherently “wrong” with uptalk. However, uptalk could hinder your prospects for promotion, depending on the situation.
While HRI often communicates politeness, it also conveys a need for consensus and a lack of confidence in what you’re saying. Excessive use of upspeak can make you come off as unprofessional to others. And, occasionally, it can make you sound unintelligent, which makes it harder for you to be taken seriously.
Here’s an example. If you end “I think we should go with Option B?” with a rising pitch, it sounds as though you’re uncertain of your choice and are looking to your listeners for guidance. This isn’t the best look on the job, especially when you’re trying to convince coworkers to take your suggestions.
Not only that, but, just as speaking flatly makes you sound boring, overusing uptalk has its drawbacks. It can be monotonous and confusing. You don’t want your amazing idea to be ignored just because you sent the wrong message with uptalk.
Now, let’s take that same sentence without upspeak: “I think we should go with option B.” That sounds self-assured! You didn’t ask a question; you made a declaration. It sounds like you’ve done your research and you have confidence in the decision you’re making. When you convey confidence, it’s easier for others to be assured in you.
Studies have demonstrated the adverse consequences of using HRI and vocal fry. Vocal fry is when you speak in a lower register so that your voice gives off a “frying” or “sizzling” sound. This Time article discusses how speaking with uptalk and vocal fry can hurt your hiring prospects. Other research has found that women who speak with vocal fry are more likely to be perceived as “annoyingly adolescent” and “excruciating” — undermining their status at work — despite the fact that vocal fry is used by all genders.
When Should You Use Uptalk?
As we’ve seen, uptalk commonly communicates uncertainty, whether consciously or unconsciously. But, it can convey positive things, too, and it can be beneficial at times.
Dr. Kami Anderson, an intercultural linguist, describes uptalk as a “lilt commonly used to soften communication.” By raising your tone at the end of sentences, upspeak allows you to come off as humble and personable. It invites the listener to offer their own (sometimes opposing) opinion. It’s sort of like saying what you think while, at the same time, asking what they think of it.
HRI, due to its lilting nature, implies the conversation is unfinished. Upspeak can be used to “hold the floor,” according to this article from Cambridge. When telling a narrative, ending sentences on a higher pitch communicates you aren’t done speaking. It’s a cue to listeners to keep listening.
More significantly, uptalk commands respect if used to include others in a conversation. Framing statements as questions demonstrates humility. It subconsciously indicates to conversation participants that it’s socially acceptable to ask clarifying questions or disagree.
As a result, upspeak isn’t necessarily a hindrance to promotion. A study examining business and academic meetings held in English in Hong Kong showed something interesting. Meeting chairs (the most powerful people in the room) used HRI to three to seven times more than their subordinates. This suggests that upspeak can demonstrate leadership qualities by leaving room for dissent.
So, should you use uptalk? It depends! Use your judgment to decide whether the situation calls for it. If you’re in a collaborative setting, use it to promote open dialogue. If you’re giving a presentation to your direct superior, limit upspeak to communicate confidence and self-assuredness.
The Bottom Line
Take small steps you feel comfortable with. Deliberately and consistently, practice your HRI awareness and usage. After you’ve practiced with Yoodli, get feedback from friends and family. They can let you know when you use uptalk and how it comes across to them.
With time, you’ll feel more and more confident with how you appear and sound, whether in a personal or professional setting. When you present yourself in the way you intend, you communicate effectively. It’s a win-win!
